Staying connected with your partner can be challenging when you consider the many obligations you both must meet. Between professional responsibilities, parenting if you have children, keeping the household running smoothly, managing finances…well, you get the picture.
How do you stay close with your partner in a loving and true way — with all of this going on?
Since February is the month where we celebrate romance, it’s a good time to remind ourselves of some simple — but often overlooked — ways to keep your relationship sailing smoothly.
At In Touch Counseling, Janelle Adams, MA, LMFT, ATR, works with couples to help them align more harmoniously, set priorities for their relationship, and communicate more effectively so conflicts can be resolved. She draws on a variety of innovative counseling approaches in her work with couples, from art-focused techniques and nervous system management to examining how our families and past relationships inform our current ones.
There are practices you can adopt to strengthen your relationship with your partner, and it just requires a willingness to realistically analyze and assess what might be your challenges to greater closeness in this moment.
It’s easy to become defensive with our partners if we feel judged or criticized, but approaching them with genuine openness and curiosity can eliminate barriers to deeper connection.
A big part of this is developing a willingness to be vulnerable. Many of us have been taught to believe that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, but the opposite is true — vulnerability is actually a valuable strength.
What does it look like?
For example, when we’re in the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship, we typically focus on the fun stuff, but as a relationship deepens and endures, real life — and emotions — can be messy. If you and your partner can talk about the hard stuff, like when they said something that felt dismissive or walked off in a huff the last time you had a disagreement, and how it affected you.
If you can both soften in your communication as partners, it can lead to better understanding and a more loving alignment between the two of you. This, in turn, paves the way for relating better, especially when a problem or resentment arises.
There’s been a lot of talk about “love languages,” but there really is something to getting to know what “love” means to your partner. Is it cooking them a thoughtfully put together meal, writing a heartfelt note about what they mean to you, or perhaps a practical move like vacuuming their car?
These are very different gestures, but they can all go a long way toward making someone feel cared for if you learn and remember what’s most meaningful to them.
We noted earlier that the many demands of life can become overwhelming and crowd out special time with your partner.
You can both work to prevent this from happening if you plan high-quality time together where you can do whatever feels fun — in other words, spend your time doing anything but household chores or scrolling on your phone!
It can even be fun to plan a couple of events per week that are purely meant to be relished together, and it doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. This might look like:
None of these involve grand gestures, but the empathy and trust they foster are the glue that helps keep you together.
We hope you keep these tips in mind as you plan Valentine’s Day with your special someone. There’s no greater gift in life than love, so doing all you can to help it flourish is a good thing!
Contact our Camas office to schedule an appointment for couples counseling if you’d like to address specific issues in your relationship — there are many strategies that can help enhance your relationship.
Call us at 360-205-5236 or use our convenient online booking tool.
